The query

I got back to my desk to find a query from the HR with subject SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. It ended with “Kindly explain why disciplinary action won’t be taken out on you...”

I sat back on my seat for a moment. Whew! I hate queries!

“Dear All” I wrote “In order to properly explain myself, I need to tell you a story.

I’d like to believe I’m normal. Nothing special. And this is not me being modest. I think, behave and talk normal which is why I find it really abnormal when I’m sitting in a toilet doing toilet business, sleeping, watching a movie, reading a book, waiting for an anger to pass or doing whatever and someone knock and keeps knocking. Ordinarily, I’d answer or make a noise just so whoever is knocking knows that the toilet is occupied. Let’s say you are this person and you hear someone inside speak, you would walk away and try the next door right? Because you are normal, yes!

But there are abnormal people who roam the streets daily. People who may have been dropped on their heads as kids or people who are terribly hopeful, annoying or just delusional. When they knock and find the toilet occupied, they keep on knocking and sometimes pull the door handle vigorously. Like human! Do you want to join me in the toilet or what? I would make space for you if I could but come on!!!

And today I was in there shitting and someone knocked. As usual, I indicated that the space was unavailable. She (its a female rest room so it’s safe to assume that it was a female knocking) knocked again and I spoke up again, this time louder.

Just as I thought she had moved on, she pulled on the door handle and pulled on it again. I wanted to scream “Someone is in here!” but what does a locked toilet door indicate if not that?

Remember when I attested to being normal? I could be otherwise when stressed. I stood up with piece of shit hanging out. I bent over so that the shit didn’t drop on my trouser. I walked over to the door and opened it.

“Welcome” I said

I walked back to the seat still bent over and the shit still hanging out my ass.

“Jesus!” She screamed.

“”What did Jesus do?”

“Why would you do this?” She asked.

“You desperately needed to use the toilet and this is me being helpful.”

She was out of my side.

“Where are you? Come and shit for a while. I’d stand by your side and wait before continuing. We would do it in turns, one shit at a time” I said.

I heard nothing but whimpers from her. I stood up again, stuck my head out and asked if she was coming. She stormed out of the rest room.

Dear HR, please where did I go wrong? I was just being considerate. To call what happened sexual harassment is troubling. How can this be considered sexual? I understand that people’s sexuality are weird and different but what do I really know? People are generally weird I did nothing wrong and see no reason why I should face disciplinary actions”

I’m yet to hear from them.