It’s a new year!!! 💕

I went for crossover service. I haven’t done that since I came to Lagos. The vibe of crossover service in the village is way better than what you see here. In the village, I get a different high from the cold, having to trek a long distance through a sandy path to get to church and running from people throwing fireworks recklessly. In church, we danced into the new year. We dance for hours with no care in the world.

What I’ve seen in my parish in Lagos was a different level of boring. People wore heels, agbada and heavy make up to crossover mass. The first and only time I went, mass started by 10pm and sermon ended by 11:45pm. The priest asked us to sit solemnly and wait for 12am. I wanted to ask “Father, what the fuck do you mean?” but I didn’t. I sat quietly and waited like a meek lamb with the rest of the congregation. It was more like a wake keep and I blame all the misfortunes of that year on that crossover mass. When the new year finally came, we all said “Happy new year” grudgingly. The choir sang for about a minute or two when the priest said they were being loud and asked them to stop. He then gave a lecture about how the new year is meant to be a time for sober reflection and not noise making. Dear Lord! When the mass finally ended, we all went solemnly away.

For 2020 crossover, I wanted to really dance in church and I didn’t hesitate when a certain handsome man invited me to his church.

I am Catholic and truth be told, attending other churches is not something I look forward to. Why? The theatrics! But then I have been to his church for one of those "Singles and Married" programmes and it was not bad at all. The church is small, has a great band, keeps to time and has a sentence as a name. The pastor was also soft spoken and did not shout or jump around too.

So I went!

The church was a distance from my house so I left an hour early and got there a bit too early. One would think I loved God more than every other person. They had this beautiful jazz playing and I thought ‘This is what heaven should be like’. I closed my eyes and let the moment all in. People started to come in like an hour later and service started after a little while.

Everything was going on well until the pastor shook vigorously as one being taken over by a spirit and started speaking in tongues. He pranced, ran, twirled, went on his knees, placed his forehead on the floor and stopped speaking. I watched him closely wondering if he was okay. I would be traumatized if something was wrong with him and instead for us to offer him help we all sat there thinking this was still part of the service. I looked around hoping to see someone with the same sentiments as me but everyone seemed joyous. I was the only one seated.

The pastor groaned loudly into the microphone and screamed "Victor!!!!!!!!!!!!” Goodness! What is going on? Is this a mad house or what?

“Victor!” he screamed again “Your life will change in 2020!”

The whole church went wild.

“This is a revelation! This is the revelation hour!” He continued swaying in circles.

The church went wilder.

“Amara!!!!!! Where is Amaraaaaaaa?!!!’ He screamed again.

Two ladies ran out and knelt down before him. I guess those were the only Amaras in the church.

“You will marry in 2020!!!!”

They both jumped up in happiness and started speaking in tongues. I hope the good news was meant for both of them. It would be funny if God played favorites. This went on for almost an hour. The pastor gave out cars, houses, visas, jobs, wives, husbands, children…. He gave it all, and when he was all spent, he sat at the foot of the altar with his head bowed.

Hmmm! I was wide eyed. I wanted to clap my hands, stand with my hand on my waist and say “Eh! Wonderful!” I looked at my friend and he was on his knees praying. Interestingly, I’ve never seen him pray.

“There is someone in this church seeking permanent residency in another country....” the pastor said.

I stood! Like magic! I stood! This is my time, I guess.

“There is someone in this church seeking permanent residency in another country....” the pastor said again, this time louder.

“Alleluia!!!” I screamed. That was what I heard others shouting when their revelation came. I raised my hands and closed my eyes.

“God said to let you know that you are wasting your time”.

I opened my eyes. You say? Eh?! That nonsense sorrowful soundtrack played in Nigerian movies played in my head.

“You are wasting your time!!!!!” He said louder.

I brought down my hands and sat down. No sir! This revelation isn’t meant for me.

“God said to seek for permanent residency in heaven...” he continued.

Pastor don’t get me upset. Who said I can’t seek to go to heaven in Canada, Maldives, Dubai, US or any other country other than Nigeria? Stop it sir! Your prophecy is wrong. End this service let’s just go home!!!

Happy new year everyone 💕