On On!!

DISCLAIMER:

This is not a funny story!

I've never been the type to shy away from physical activities. Besides ermmm...this thing...I'm open to anything physical - running, swimming, climbing, chewing gum - anything at all. I never shy away. It's always fun and even better when its done with a group of friends. 

Over the years, my sister succeeded in making me jealous of her just by posting pictures of herself on one hill or another. I wished that someday, I would be able to do so - stand on a hill, open my cream colored 32 and feel fly. It don't matter how one got there. And as God answers prayers, my wish finally came through.

Do you know that Christmas day feeling you had as a child? That type that leaves you awake all night wondering when day would break? That was the same feeling in my heart knowing that my longtime dream was just a few hours away. I got ready hours before time and hurried my sister to do same. My back pack had everything I needed - selfie stick, my phone and sunscreen! Dazall! Who needs water? I'm too fit to need water.

People came out in hundreds - oyibo, blacky, young, old, in between - we were many. I jumped up and down severally, squatted, stretched as a form of warm up. I was ready to climb...and take pictures! Haha! The 'ribbon' was cut and the event declared open and the rule was simple - follow the trail. What is my business with trail?

I was among the first people to march out. They all had long, thick sticks. I didn't know what the sticks were for. Maybe for snakes? Abeg o. Let snake not bite me just because I want to hike. It was a long walk to the foot of the hill and then the real deal started. I trudged on like mum gave birth to me hiking. I think I was like thirty steps or less on the mountain when I realized I was on all fours and couldn't move. People ahead of me used their sticks to grip the ground. Foolish me didn't have any and no one left a stick lying around for me just like God left a ram for Abraham.

I just couldn't move. My joints were stuck. I looked behind me to find a crowd of not smiling onlookers.I forced myself to move and getting to a place that looked like a bed, I thought to sit but lying seemed better so I gladly did. I heaved for air....water! Water...water...water...stupid me packed everything but the most needed one. I could feel my spirit leave my body and I clawed at the wind like a native doctor cooking up a spell to raise the dead.  No one cared as they walked past me. Who send me message? I gasped for air in heaves! Water! Water! I packed everything but water. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer to God.

"Dear God, I know I will die here today. Please make whoever will tell my story on facebook tell it beautifully. May he or she take beautiful pictures..."

And then a guardian angel appeared bearing a flask of water. The angel was really old with his head filled with "was-white", almost brown hair. He then smiled at me with the dirtiest set of teeth, his clothes were dirty but then he's an angel. He handed me his flask of life and asked me to drink and I thought how far away his voice sounded. 

I took what he was offering and I took several swigs of it and lay back down on the rock, using my bag as a pillow. He then asked that I lay on my side. I didn't argue with him. Angels usually know best. I felt better after sometime, and just as expected everyone besides my angel had gone their way leaving me to figure out my trail. The only way to go was up the hill...or down, if i decided to roll myself off the hill to my death. He summoned me to move on while he followed me.

I pushed myself to move; not like I had a choice anyway. It was either that or I live in the mountains and become a hunter.I could not understand the trail but thankfully, I had my angel with me. He kept urging and pushing me to move on. Whenever I got stuck, he would place his frail hands on my well rounded ass to give me a lift. Hmmm...anything to get me out of this bush!

After what seemed like miles of roaming, we finally reached promise land. I sat on the floor and my angel sat with me giving me support. I offered a silent prayer to God asking Him to bless the old angel....and from nowhere, my sister charged at us with a stick.

"Get away from my sister! Get away from my sister you mad man!"

Eh????!!! Mad what?! I watched wide eyed as the old man took to his heels. Mad what?!

"...I've been looking everywhere for you. Where have you been? I was scared you might be lost! Where did you meet that mad man that goes around touching peoples butts whenever we hike...?"


...to be continued, after I pick up my jaw!