Back in time (4)



“Ada”, I called
“Yes”, she answered
“I’m pregnant”, I said
She looked up from the book she was reading and burst into laughter but stopped when she saw the seriousness on my face.
“Who got you pregnant?” she asked
“Daddy and or Chidi”
She continued laughing and I could not understand why.
“Did you say daddy and or Chidi?”
“Yes, but they don’t know that they got me pregnant”’ I replied
“How?!!!!!!”
 
So we were taught in school about personal belongings. You are not allowed to use someone else’s toothbrush, towel, panties and blablabla. We were explicitly told never to use other people’s belongings but as stubborn as I am, I never listen. When I got home from school, I went to have the mandatory afternoon shower but forgot to go with my towel. When I was done bathing, I looked around and picked the nearest towel to me. I cleaned my body with it making sure that I wiped my body clean of any wetness. I carefully hung back the towel so the owner won’t notice that someone else had used it. I dressed up for the night and slept like a baby. In the morning, I woke up and repeated the events of the previous night this time with another person’s towel. The towel was a bit wet showing someone had used it. Well...

...I got to school and like kids that we were, we gathered during break and talked about what grown ups do. My clique then called themselves BIG GIRLS. Thinking about what we discussed as little as we were makes me realise how much parents have little or no control over what their kids do when they are not with them. The clique leader, Ebere, decided what we discussed (a right she bought with a cube of choco milo shared amongst six of us. I remember the slimy spit that rolled from one piece to the next as she shared it out). On that day, all she allowed us talk about was her house help's pregnancy for her father and how she must have got pregnant for her father through other means but sex. She swore that her father would never have sex with the help as she was dirty and unkempt. My curiousity got the best of me and I asked how else people get pregnant. 
 
"Through body contact, or the use of toothbrush or towels..." she replied.
 
And that was how the paranoia started. Towels?! Goodness!  I lost track of what Ebere was saying as I remembered that just last night and that morning I had used two people's towels. I was numb. After break, I was quiet in class as I wondered what would happen to me.

My paranoia worsened when I woke up the next morning and started throwing up. Ha! Who doesn't know that throwing up is the first sign of pregnancy. Even if you have never heard the grown ups talking, Nkiru Sylvanus would have told you in one of her very many disgusting throw up Nollywood scenes. Mum declared me sick and unfit to go to school. I lay in bed and all forms of thought went through my mind. What do I do? How would I tell my mum that I was pregnant for her husband?! I hid my face in my pillow and cried my heart out. My pillow was soaked with tears when mum found out that I had been crying. 
"Nne, are you in so much pain?", she asked with so much worry on her face

The mum I know is never this nice when we are sick. Besides she hates it when we cry 'cos we are sick. She always expects us to suck it up and get better. Why then is she this nice today? God must really be punishing me. I turned my cry into a wail as she drove me to the hospital. I should better tell her so she would kill me for just one crime of pregnancy. Making her waste her time and fuel would be crime number two and three.
 
Immediately we got to the hospital, I threw up again. Mum carried me and ran through the queue waiting to see Dr. Onwurah. Knowing that my mum never panics, he quickly laid me down on the examination bed. He asked what I ate, where I've been, if anyone in school was throwing up...I answered. I signaled the doctor with my eyes. I blinked and blinked so he could come closer for me to tell him what's wrong. He didn't notice. I rolled my eyes hoping he would notice.
"Chinwe, what is wrong with your eyes?", mum asked with so much worry.
"I dunno"

How do I get my mum to leave the room? I need to talk to the doctor alone. 
"I want to eat bread", I said 
"Nne, don't worry! We would buy on our way home", she replied 
"I want it now", I said short of screaming 
"Don't be silly!" she replied
We were sent to do some tests after which the doctor wrote a long list of medications. They said I had typhoid which made me conclude that the hospital was a bad one.
At home, I went to the bathroom and inspected the towels I used. Maybe I would see eggs or sperm or whatever it is called! I had no idea what it would looked like but I was sure I'd know it when I saw it. I looked through the towel inch by inch and noticed some brown marks! This must be it. Jesus! I wasn't really sure. Who do I ask? Hmmm! 
 
I stood in front of the mirror in my mum's room and noticed how big my pregnancy had got. Gosh! Soon I won't be able to hide it! I quickly tied a wrapper and made it loose around the tummy then went straight to my room to lie down...on my tummy! I prayed to God to come to my aid. With which breast would I breastfeed the baby when I put to bed? Maybe Ada, Nkechi or mum will help me. Their breasts were big enough and filled with milk. Hmmm! I should better talk to someone.
 
"Ada, I'm really pregnant"
"You are just 8! What do you know about pregnancy? Have you even started menstruating?", she asked still laughing. 
"Men what?", I asked. That was a new word.
"Get out of here. I thought mum said you weren't feeling fine?"

Geez! Why won't she believe me? I went back to the mirror to see how much bigger my tummy had got. I lifted the wrapper and looked from every angle. I could even feel the baby kick! I went to lie down to plan my life out! I would have to stop school and become a hawker or a cleaner or....what do I really know how to do? 
 
I cried myself to sleep and woke up when dad came to see how I was faring. He came with a bottle of schnapps that has refused to finish since I was born. He filled the bottle cap with the hot drink and asked me to drink. He teased that it would fight the typhoid faster than all my medications. I shook my head vigorously. 

"I'm pregnant! It will kill my baby", I said in tears just as mom came to the doorway.
 
"How!", they both asked
 
"I'm so sorry! I used daddy's towel...and Chidi's own too! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to let them get me pregnant! My towel was not in..."
 
...first, puzzled looks, then thunderous laughter from both of them. In the midst of trying to discern whether both my parents had lost touch with reality, I felt foolishness drench me like the heavens broke out raining idiot idiot idiot idiot, fool fool fool fool! Chai! lol!

They both laughed and laughed like I was some sort of a comedian!
 
Mum still teases me about it!
 

Comments

  1. Mumu geh, it pregnancy was that easy many houses would be filled with children by now...hahhahaha. nice one tho!

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  2. Lol, I can't just stop laffing, nice one keep it up...

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  3. Lolz...... Very funny

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  4. seriously, u are a bag of laughter.
    When first saw ur bridal pics on instagram, i refuse to believe i was seeing an Albino, Geh u are a sexy, stylish and intelligent one, I love you and im proud of u.

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  5. Very very funny I couldn't stop laughing

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  6. Very very funny I couldn't stop laughing

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  7. U're a comedian. Funny

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  8. Hahahahahaha, you are indeed a comedian. I just can't stop laughing

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  9. Pinky I just dey laugh like mumu here.
    Pregnancy via towel sharing lol!

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  10. It's Pinky again! Absolutely hilarious.

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