Don't ask

Just came back from evening mass as hungry as ever and there was definitely no food in the house! Its no news that I don't cook! After waking up by 4am and getting home by 11pm after straight 3hrs of traffic every day of the week (except Sunday), cooking on a Sunday night is the least of my worries.

I don't want to hear it! I'm talking to you. Yes, you! Didn't you just ask if its this story I'll tell my husband when he asks of food? I'm not married yet so when I get to that bridge, I'll cross it...or not. But dear husband, you should better be in Enugu or Ghana cos I aint living in Lagos with you unless...unless...un...there's no unless. 

Ehen, the koko of the matter is that I was hungry and desperately needed to fill in my tommy! I ransacked the fridge looking for what I didn't keep and as God may have it, there food was! Wrapped in beautiful foil. Though not mine, hunger is not a 'respecter' of cake ownership besides the cake has been untouched for months. 

I cut a little chunk but the beautiful chocolate cake kept calling! I couldn't resist. I cut a bigger size and another and another and ended up changing the little saucer I had into a big plate. I filled a glass with juice but knowing that I would come for more I conveniently carried the pack too.

I put on the TV and Maid in Manhattan was the only movie that seemed modern showing. Its DSTV after all. I sat on the couch with my feet under me and ate away. It was such a delightful moment. No be everyday person dey feel like white person jare.

I kept acting like a super star. Eat, sip, watch, cross leg. Eat, sip, watch, flip hair. Eat, sip, press fun, pause, take a call. Eat, sip, press phone, talk to the actors in the most American way (duh).... I knew I was fooling around but these lil fantasy worlds come in handy after a stressful day.

But something kept smelling. "Not now" I told the smell. Can't you see I'm having a me time. Please don't disturb! But the smell kept at it. What. I clean this house every blessed day! I fumigate every Friday against roaches and rats (Yes, I said roaches). So what the heck could be smelly this much.? As I ate the second to the last piece, my nose itched a bit so I scratched it. Every scratch came with a strong smell and it nearly drove me crazy. I smelt my fingers and ewww....ewww...they did smell like rotten shit. Wtf!

With the last string of courage in me, I smelt the cake! My goodness! This is rotten! I opened up the cake slowly and it drew like ogbono soup, that type that my grand ma makes! Gosh! How the heck did I....? In anger, I ate the last piece which a threw up a minute later!

I'm cuddled in my bed frustrated and angry and the fact that tomorrow is Monday doesn't make what I feel go down easier!



pictures from hubhomedesign.com