Training report

I love the organisation I work for (No bobo). For one, they send me for lovely trainings in and out of the country! And that was how they sent me, together with twenty nine other colleagues of mine, for a week training on Actualising Goals and Dreams at Four Points by Sheraton!

Somehow, I knew how boring it will be listening to someone tell me stuff about iceberg and working more on things below the sea level bla bla bla but a week at Four Points by Sheraton felt like summer holiday in Dubai (Not that I've been there but I've heard some "shitless" girls compare it to heaven)

I got there three months before my colleagues ( I'm sure you know when I'm exaggerating) I got all mushy just walking into Four Points by Sheraton. The reception, the lighting, the...the...the..awwwww!

When I got to the training room, I wondered if it were my wedding! Ah ah! Maybe my husband (whoever that is) wanted to surprise me by inviting me to my wedding. The hall was perfect! All that was missing was my family, my wedding gown and the groom. I wasn't sure where I was anymore.

I walked in quietly in fear that I might break something. I nearly carried my big hand bag on my head just to be doubly sure that it doesn't hit and break something mistakenly. I no get land for village to sell o.

My colleagues started coming like 10 minutes after I did! For some funny reason, everyone was quiet! Those that talked did so in whispers

Then, the groom arrived!

Tall, fair and carelessly handsome. O...M...G!! He walked in long strides! His well polished shoes made the most perfect sounds! The room went dead quiet. His suit was made just for him with the trousers tight around his well shaped ass (can't believe I wrote that). He stood like a god facing us all.

"Good morning", he said.

Damn! Baritone! Sexy! Damn!!

He introduced himself and the course. Whatever, not like I heard. For some seconds, I cursed whoever made the projector. All I wanted was a black board and whatever color of chalk. I needed him to turn around and write on it so I can a good look at his back side! Please turn. Turn around, please! Like he heard my silent plea, he did! D..a..m..n!!!!!!

Introductions went around in turns! My temperature increased just waiting for my turn. The closer he got to me, the more nervous and hot I got. And bam...my turn.

"I'm Chinwe but I'm called Pin...." He placed his hands on my table. I did a quick scan, no ring;no ring mark. I looked into his eyes and he stared right into my soul. I could feel my heart beat. I hoped it won't break my rib cage. And just when I felt his lips on my neck behind my ear, he moved on to the next person. Gosh!! Don't leave me like this, please. I was holding on tight to the hem of my skirt. ( Hope mum aint reading this)

"Behave, babes! Behave! Don't act all starved! Mum raised you right". What didn't I tell myself to calm myself. I vowed to listen! No distractions!

He started with some Philosophers' statements and stuff...

"People buy into you before they buy into your product...

Oh yes they do. I bought into you a long time ago. If you would let me, I plan to keep buying. Chai. He walked round the room like he owned us all. I don't mind being owned by him. Make me your slave forever.

"Goals are set, some achieved; others not. There are many reasons why goals are not achieved..."

Dude, having you is a goal I've set the moment you walked gloriously into the room and I plan to achieve it. Nothing is gonna stop me. I looked at every girls' face in the room to make sure none was as lovestruck as I was! I scanned through the guys too. One can never be too sure these days.

"...Willpower is the ability to stay focused despite all challenges. You have to master your willpower..."

It seems I've been busted. Whew! He knows I'm not focused and now he's lecturing me indirectly. Chinweudo Ifeyinwa Ochiora Asogwa, listen!! I was still chidding myself when the class laughed out hysterically. I just missed a joke. Pinky, please listen!

He continued with a story.

"One day, my balls and I went for a bid...

I laughed out loud. I opened my mouth wide open and let the loudest laugh out of it. Hahaha! I wondered how big his balls were for him to tell a story about it! I fixed my eyes on that region of his trousers as I laughed uncontrollably. Then I quietened down, opened my eyes that were closed by tears and saw everyone starring at me. Ehm...what have I done?

"Are you ok?", he asked with a bewildered look on his face.

I nodded in response.

He continued with his story. "Like I was saying, my boss and I went for a bid..."

Babe, how the heck did you hear balls? He said boss for pete's sake! I don mess up sha.

"...Our conscious, subconscious and unconscious minds affect each other. They always have intercourse with each other...

Call it whatever you want, sweet. Intercourse! Love making! Sex! Shag! Fuck! Call it whatever! I want it as far as I'm having it with you, anywhere and anyhow you need it. Standing, kneeling, hanging, tied...just say it and I'm yours!

"...Don't keep strategising. Don't suffer analysis paralysis. Just do it. Some aim and just shoot..."

Ohhhhh (I actually said that slowly under my breath!) Thank God I was seating! My legs shook. I felt my wetness trickle down my laps! You can aim and shoot as much as you want! I'd love to carry your child! With your kinda face and body, I would be doing them a favor! Don't even aim! Shoot, love, shoot!

"....as we move on in life, remember to encourage others! Imagine encouragement to be you covering a naked man with courage..."

I'm naked, boy! What are you waiting for before you cover me with your bodily encouragement!? I need encouragement. Please, darling!

"...what turns you on?"

Was he talking to me?

"...what drives you?"

YOU!!!! You turn me on with the way you talk, with the flash of your white teeth, the curl of your red lips, your deep brown eyes, with the way you keep licking your lips with your tongue...! Gosh! Come drive me....

"...We'll be back here tomorrow to talk about Success...

What? I looked at my watch. 5pm! My God! What have I done to myself? I've learnt nada! Nada at all!

Dunno what scares me most! That I have four more days of this torture or that I have a full blown report to write to my superiors or that my mum will read this story or that big bro might throw me outta of his house after reading it! Don't blame me, it was just a horny day!

Please, who has a spare room?